08-25-2012, 03:35 PM
I'm not quite sure how to critique this one... I hold the opposite view of billy's: I think the piece is a little too tight, to the point where at times it reads as too matter-of-fact, emotionally generic, and bereft of nuance. Aside from the wordplay, which is well done, I felt like this needs a bit of growing room still, like it hasn't yet been able to tap into its core. I think its well written but at the moment it shies, sticking to the surface. Not sure if my blathering about my impressions is in any way helpful, but i really did enjoy the piece.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?