Because I Can

[Philatone]

I was going to do a line-by, but I don't think that would get at what my gut is telling me about the piece. I don't think the form is the best. Perhaps a meter would give the piece more direction. Otherwise, at times it feels as though we are left with some lines that deserve more emphasis and others that only get us from A to B; there seems to be a decent amount of filler. I think a meter would help you weed out the necessary from the excess.

again, just my own take on it. there are elements to enjoy (I liked the snake image, though it didn't lead where I wanted it to), but it comes off as a bit too direct and unfocused at times.