08-21-2012, 05:49 AM
I'd echo the advice about characterisation.Might be nice to swap the last verse around a bit:
I thought about God as a kid. Not so much anymore.
If he's real he ain't benevolent.
Down the platform a couple of dykes browse a stall,
whispering in each others' ears. Opposite are trees.
They are benevolent, long kind fingers.
I thought about God as a kid. Not so much anymore.
If he's real he ain't benevolent.
Down the platform a couple of dykes browse a stall,
whispering in each others' ears. Opposite are trees.
They are benevolent, long kind fingers.
Before criticising a person, try walking a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticise them, you're a mile away.....and you have their shoes.