no line by line here , just some general feedback
i enjoyed the read hough i'd call it prose poetry. the 1st three lines of the 2nd stanza were impressive, and the 1st person narrative works well.
if i had a suggestion it would be to try different enjambment and line lengths. some of the phrases look like they'd be better own their own line;
If he's real he ain't benevolent.
I thought about God as a kid.
they're more lines in the first stanza that could stand out better on their own line as well but i'm sure it's all about choice so i won't point them out, just suggest you see anything that stands out.
the last line sounds a bit cheesy i did enjoy the read. and it's great to see you put a poem up jack
thanks
i enjoyed the read hough i'd call it prose poetry. the 1st three lines of the 2nd stanza were impressive, and the 1st person narrative works well.
if i had a suggestion it would be to try different enjambment and line lengths. some of the phrases look like they'd be better own their own line;
If he's real he ain't benevolent.
I thought about God as a kid.
they're more lines in the first stanza that could stand out better on their own line as well but i'm sure it's all about choice so i won't point them out, just suggest you see anything that stands out.
the last line sounds a bit cheesy i did enjoy the read. and it's great to see you put a poem up jack
thanks