08-20-2012, 05:16 AM
Enjoyed, Geoff. Only 2 things to say.
his lips when he found a stone
had sunk into his Chevelle's door.
I don't care for the 2nd line. Chevelle may as well be the name of his daughter for all I know about cars. I don't think you need had sunk.
So "sunk into the door of his Chevelle".
I think "Everything is tarnished" would be a nice way to end the poem.
his lips when he found a stone
had sunk into his Chevelle's door.
I don't care for the 2nd line. Chevelle may as well be the name of his daughter for all I know about cars. I don't think you need had sunk.
So "sunk into the door of his Chevelle".
I think "Everything is tarnished" would be a nice way to end the poem.
Before criticising a person, try walking a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticise them, you're a mile away.....and you have their shoes.