08-19-2012, 10:14 PM
What do you mean by not being entirely flesh? It is meant to be dramatic, as it is her slipping into death, which I'd imagine feels fairly intense at the time, but I understand what you mean.
Which lines could they lose? I'm sure it could be tightened up but I don't know what could be cut without losing something from the poem. The last lines are meant to have a more personal thought-type feel to them as the person loses conciousness. I've never drowned before but I have a friend who did nearly drown and he said it was peaceful and thoughtful once you started losing conciousness and couldn't panic any more. I'm just basing it on that, really, so I could be wrong.
Assumptions? Sorry if I'm being dense : P But I just don't really know what you mean by that.
It isn't a cult, but it is a ceremony. It is an ancient buddhist ritual which is meant to purge a demon from a person (in this case, a teenage girl) - by dunking them in water. A lot of rituals involve dunking so really it could apply to any of them. In this situation, and it is based on a true story, she simply drowned because they were over-zealous and held her under for too long.
Which lines could they lose? I'm sure it could be tightened up but I don't know what could be cut without losing something from the poem. The last lines are meant to have a more personal thought-type feel to them as the person loses conciousness. I've never drowned before but I have a friend who did nearly drown and he said it was peaceful and thoughtful once you started losing conciousness and couldn't panic any more. I'm just basing it on that, really, so I could be wrong.
Assumptions? Sorry if I'm being dense : P But I just don't really know what you mean by that.
It isn't a cult, but it is a ceremony. It is an ancient buddhist ritual which is meant to purge a demon from a person (in this case, a teenage girl) - by dunking them in water. A lot of rituals involve dunking so really it could apply to any of them. In this situation, and it is based on a true story, she simply drowned because they were over-zealous and held her under for too long.