Polishing Silver

[tectak]

Under mother's order, we grasp
rags tighter than father pressed
his lips when he found a stone
had sunk into his Chevelle's door.

He hasn't learned we threw the rock,
ran inside and begged to help
mother bake her sweet potatoes.
She must have seen us out the window

throwing gravel by the garage.
What else could explain the cloth
and piles of silverware, all splayed
across the uncovered table?

Everything is tarnished; knives
and forks, the spoons we use to serve,
our faces when given the job,
our hands blackened by metal blood.

hi geoff,
because I get conflicting information from your interesting grammar and stanza breaks, I figured I would look at this one in the round, I read the whole thing through several times and this is what I FEEL about it.
It reads easy provided you do not expect it to make complete sense. The problem that the easy read creates is one loses the urge to dig deeper. It is like reading Whinnie the Poo as the subject for a dissertation.......I start looking for things that just aren't there.
I can exemplify this in the first stanza. Father comes in with a grim visage having found a piece of gravel embedded in his cars bodywork. The "tight" lipped expression is stretched to "tight" held......but this is only a "word" analogy, not an image analogy. The problem is, you could not quite complete the analogy without the need for an interpretive word to link the two statements...you had to bring in "pressed". The metaphorical link is immediately lost because you are now trying to link tight to pressed. As I read I try to get help from the contextual form but even here I am thwarted by choice.
a) We grasp rags tighter than father
b) we grasp rags, tighter than father pressed his lips
c) we grasp rags tighter than father pressed his lips when he found a stone
d ) we grasp rags tighter than father pressed his lips, when he found a stone embedded
etc,etc.
Each line reads with grammatically subtle variations in meaning which tends to require some pondering....BUT after a while the reader realises that this is NOT deliberate profundity but is simply confusing grammar. So powerfully distracting is this vexatious style that the more interesting bits get missed. I only found myself wondering how on earth a piece of gravel could get embedded in a 18swg steel door without being fired from an elephant gun!
It goes on.
a) she must have seen us out the window throwing gravel
b) she must have seen us, out the window throwing gravel by the garage
c) she must have seen us out the window. (line and stanza break) Throwing gravel by the garage

...and my point is? Well, because your style is to write with unpredictable punctuation I begin to read with unpredictable interpretation. This is unnerving, distracting, unfair on me (and you!) and ,frankly, a little irritating. please note:D I am NOT saying that your punctuation is always wrong. The last stanza seems to be perfect. I am saying it is inconsistent. That is all.
Regarding imagery, I have always enjoyed your cameleon vision, able to see two views at once is something I envy....but it does make for hard work when it comes to getting it down on metaphorical paper. I cannot tell if your are successful in this aim:D but I am now convinced you will not change!
Best,
tectak