08-19-2012, 12:59 PM
hey universal
not quite a fan of the last couple of lines--they strike as not being entirely flesh and too dramatic to get much of a response from me.
initially when I read, I thought "Breathless" would actually make a stronger title than a first line to the piece. I liked elements of the first and second stanzas the most (though I think they could each lose some lines); as the poem progressed and became more and more abstract, I felt my own ground slipping as the reader.
the poem presents some assumptions ("not until they have defeated/their own ritual belief of evil") that I wasn't sure I followed fully. As of now, I'm seeing a cult or ceremony of some sort
not quite a fan of the last couple of lines--they strike as not being entirely flesh and too dramatic to get much of a response from me.
initially when I read, I thought "Breathless" would actually make a stronger title than a first line to the piece. I liked elements of the first and second stanzas the most (though I think they could each lose some lines); as the poem progressed and became more and more abstract, I felt my own ground slipping as the reader.
the poem presents some assumptions ("not until they have defeated/their own ritual belief of evil") that I wasn't sure I followed fully. As of now, I'm seeing a cult or ceremony of some sort
Written only for you to consider.