Can't Let Go (was Well, here goes nuthin)

[billy]

Hi yumbo. nornally it's best to put the title in the subject heading, unless the poem's called "well here goes nothing"

Can't Let Go

To Dad, who threatened to take
the next bus to Milwaukee
and kill me
when I wouldn't reveal
where Mom lived.

To Mike, the company president
whose idea of telling me
I bored him
was to leave a gallon of
melting vanilla ice cream
on my desk.

To Mark, the team captain
who asked me if my
father's name, Dong,
was the Korean
equivalent
of Dick. this stanza appeals to my sense of humour so much

I don't want to die bitter
but my wild mind
trots out your offenses
and I mouth curses on you
and my heart becomes a
black and sour raisin. raisin is really weak though i suppose it could be weak on purpose to show you don't really care.

at the moment what you have are some good snapshots of offences (is your spelling of offences the american spelling? ) against your person. or a list of snapshots. it does read as short lined prose or free verse (without rhyme or meter) i would have liked to have seen more than one poetic device in there but that's just a personal thing on my part. the dispassionate voice of the 1st person comes through though it lacks the malevolence of the last stanza. maybe something to counter the nastyness at the end of each stanza.

i do like the poem
but each stanza could be developed a bit more.
this is just a suggestion to discard;

To Dad:
the bastard who threatened me
with a bus to Milwaukee;
and a premature death
when I wouldn't reveal
where Mom lived.

just an idea, there are lots of way to add something.

thanks for the read