Can't Let Go (was Well, here goes nuthin)

[tectak]

Can't Let Go

To Dad, who threatened to take
the next bus to Milwaukee
and kill me
when I wouldn't reveal
where Mom lived.

To Mike, the company president
whose idea of telling me
I bored him
was to leave a gallon of
melting vanilla ice cream
on my desk.

To Mark, the team captain
who asked me if my
father's name, Dong,
was the Korean
equivalent
of Dick.

I don't want to die bitter
but my wild mind
trots out your offenses
and I mouth curses on you
and my heart becomes a
black and sour raisin.

This is terse-verse so no line by line. Whenever I read work like this I begin by asking myself if it is a one-shot.
The benefit of the doubt would lead me to believe, in this case, that you are constructing a fictional scenario and decorating it with "real" names as an easy way of adding weight to your characters and reality to your story. This is NOT a criticism per se but it is no substitute for in-depth character-building and good descriptive pros. So...to the poem itself. Well...what to say that would help. There is no rhythm.....and why should there be. Perhaps you do not like writing rhythmically. There is no rhyme....and why should there be? Perhaps you find rhyme restricting. There is no defined structure to the stanzas....and why should there be. Perhaps you are a free spirit. Now I just know that this will irritate but it is not meant to do so.....the thing is, there is no point. Here we have a list of gripes. The gripes are pretty normal once you are old enough to offend people by just being yourself. In fact, the thought suddenly struck me that the "stanzas" are the sort of thing a center would utter in an American Football scrimmage to irritate his opponent.
Can I suggest, tentatively, that this piece is used as a framework on which to hang something more substantive, linked and complete. This is an unusual suggestion as most of us, me particulary, get over-flabby and do not cut to the bone. Here, I feel that the piece would benefit from more meat....and furthermore I believe it would be worth it. Terse-verse needs no conclusions but if you are not careful you get a rant or a litany. If your heart's a black and sour raisin I think you got let off lightly....some people hang themselves!
Best,
tectak