08-14-2012, 08:28 PM
I don't know how I feel about the title. I think the word crimson throws off the rythym a little because of the accent being on the second syllable. Maybe that's just me being hard on myself. What are your opinions?
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Hi frankie
filth removal does the job but perhaps another word instead of filth would do the job better.
in places the rhythm/meter does feel off. the crimson line being one of the places.
not sure the centre align is doing you any favours, mainly because of the content.
i get the sense that this is an abortion...forgive me if i'm wrong, and that the filth is an unwanted foetus. it's fairly novel if that's the case. and not too over the top. on the other hand it could also be a tumour or other type of growth.
i've been thinking about the title and i take back my suggestion about changing it. you've got something to work with if you do an edit.
i'm sure others will give some feedback so i'd advise waiting a while before giving it the once over
thanks for the read
[/quote]
Hi frankie
filth removal does the job but perhaps another word instead of filth would do the job better.
in places the rhythm/meter does feel off. the crimson line being one of the places.
not sure the centre align is doing you any favours, mainly because of the content.
i get the sense that this is an abortion...forgive me if i'm wrong, and that the filth is an unwanted foetus. it's fairly novel if that's the case. and not too over the top. on the other hand it could also be a tumour or other type of growth.
i've been thinking about the title and i take back my suggestion about changing it. you've got something to work with if you do an edit.
i'm sure others will give some feedback so i'd advise waiting a while before giving it the once over
thanks for the read