Going to the Country -revised

[Philatone]

hey ray
taking a look at the revision

Revision

A half-ploughed field haunted, two tractors abandoned
betoken the future. Agricultural labour ...as an opening, I feel the reader is really being directed to a lot without much chance to let his own imagination create the scene. words like "haunted" and "betoken the future" just don't release me from the speaker's grip, and it's not a good feeling. "Agricultural labour" strikes me as a bit too vague to give me a specific image
has paused for a cider and a piss in the ditch; ..not sure if the present perfect is fully needed; I think just "paused" would work fine
a puff on a pipe to turn matters over, ...interesting play on the expression, what with the farming imagery
late afternoon slumber in the shade of a hedge. ...In a lot of ways, the poem does not really start until "Agricultural labour"

Light dapples a tree stump and lends the appearance ..."lends the appearance" weakens the picture; would be much stronger to either make a simile or metaphor
of fairy enchantment or deer at a distance;...again, "fairy enchantment" strikes me as too vague, especially with the more-specific "deer"
the cadence of branches, the rhythm of swaying,
melodious birdsong flatters the forest. ...aren't the "cadence" and "rhythm" all subjects? "flatter" may be more appropriate
Our children and dogs heckle notes of discordance.
...outside of the last line, the rest of the stanza did little for me. lots of pretty little descriptions, but i feel like i've been led down a tangent that keeps lengthening.

Fair-weather features will be tacked to the borders; ...an active verb rather than a passive one (will be tacked) could strengthen the line
defacing the country, they shall in due order ..period or semi-colon instead of a comma? Again, i'm being told/ preached to ("they shall in due order)
grow beards and moustaches, pimples and glasses,
alter complexion from top to the bottom ...perhaps the line, with its "top to the bottom," can be said to extend to classes, but it struck me more as extra information more than anything
for the crosses that count - the plight of the commons.

Tomorrow this birdsong might be too intrusive
or pass by unnoticed like shopping mall music...the "shopping mall" really jarred for me; I realize that is probably the desire, but there are other ways to create the same effect while using elements of nature (or its destruction). the "might be too" is rather indecisive
and trees, grown too tall for bowing and scraping,
snatched from the breach between earth and its ceiling,
will groan for the good of the greater number.

the images I have no problems with, really. that being said, it's their usage and length that felt like a detraction from the piece. they occasionally sounded "preachy" to me. I like the ideas, but felt like some could be trimmed; what would remain would strike me as more profound.

just my thoughts; i hope one or two may be of use