08-07-2012, 05:12 PM
Thanks, Tom.The title is a bit of a pun on fry but the gist of the poem is a tense family atmosphere, apt to break one way or the other.
I think you attribute too much significance to "an" egg. On the other hand, I'm tempted to put in "her" egg.
The sun exits the sky, but as you've implied, that's something of a natural occurrence and that's not what I mean. I favour "abandoning".
I'm still not happy with 5th line. I want summat that more encapsulates the tension before the beans take effect.
I think you attribute too much significance to "an" egg. On the other hand, I'm tempted to put in "her" egg.
The sun exits the sky, but as you've implied, that's something of a natural occurrence and that's not what I mean. I favour "abandoning".
I'm still not happy with 5th line. I want summat that more encapsulates the tension before the beans take effect.
Before criticising a person, try walking a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticise them, you're a mile away.....and you have their shoes.