08-06-2012, 11:37 PM
@billy
Okay well that isn't what I'm going for =p I mean erotic filthiness not dirty porn.
@addy
I like it being languid and indulgent (that was actually what I was going for) - I'm not sure urgency really comes into this kind of sex. I could try and up the tempo though.
Mm, on pressed vs presses, I think pressed works better because somebody is doing the pressing. Or I might be wrong with that. If somebody presses something against you, do you say it's pressing or it is being pressed? : s
The idea is for "bleating" to make one think of lambs and innocence and vulnerability and etc. etc. so I'll leave it in. I like shyly as well but I'll play around with it and see if it is better without.
I'll break that line up and put it into others, good suggestion.
I thought the whole smothering thing would give a hint to the darkness of the sex, but maybe I should include more. I was just struggling to find ways of describing bondange and biting and the like without feeling funny about it. I'll spend some time, maybe make another stanza.
Okay well that isn't what I'm going for =p I mean erotic filthiness not dirty porn.
@addy
I like it being languid and indulgent (that was actually what I was going for) - I'm not sure urgency really comes into this kind of sex. I could try and up the tempo though.
Mm, on pressed vs presses, I think pressed works better because somebody is doing the pressing. Or I might be wrong with that. If somebody presses something against you, do you say it's pressing or it is being pressed? : s
The idea is for "bleating" to make one think of lambs and innocence and vulnerability and etc. etc. so I'll leave it in. I like shyly as well but I'll play around with it and see if it is better without.
I'll break that line up and put it into others, good suggestion.
I thought the whole smothering thing would give a hint to the darkness of the sex, but maybe I should include more. I was just struggling to find ways of describing bondange and biting and the like without feeling funny about it. I'll spend some time, maybe make another stanza.