Horrendous Attempt at Blank Verse

[billy]

I mentioned in my first thread that I made an attempt at blank verse last year and utterly failed. This is that attempt:

Unknown to me, awaiting patiently i think patiently awaiting might work
In blinder's peripheral there did sit feels forced
A midsummer's dream, just here by my side.
Amber starring into endless sapphire:
Water that is flowing over the rocks,
Trickling along, not toward oceans' tides,
Billowing waves consume the sands of time. cliche
Sparks are nothing, vapors are meaningless,
Yet sparks ignite and set asunder all,
Vapors condense, tempests rage ever on
Or gently lull life from earth's deepest depths: cliche

Even furthest trees can grow intertwined.


I feel that my grasp of meter is... not a grasp at all. Help?

to attempt is never to fail so it isn't a failed attempt, it's just an attempt.
heres a great thread about meter
one more line would have been needed for sonnet.
i'm going to do a general crit here because i see something in a lot of the lines connected with meter. a lot of the problems you have come from word reversal or trying to hard to make the meter fit the line.
imagine a steady drum beat;
da dum/da dum/da dum/da dum/da dum. that's what you're aiming for, that similar rhythmical sound, feel, or pulse. (to start with) there are other variations which can be use but the da dum is the easiest and best to learn at first.

well known phrases like 'sands of time and deepest depth are cliche and should be steered clear of when ever possible.

a few more attempts and you'll get the hang of it.

thanks for the read.