08-06-2012, 10:51 AM
me go for the original, (i put all three together (it makes it easier to see any progression)
i got the feeling that you moved further and further away from the original in the original it seems there's a fascination with the hands and then in the edits it feels that you looked at them because you were too shy or too scared. don't get me wrong, the trepidation is still i the first but there's more, it's keen, the original end stanza is all wobbly and and tremulous, the nest two are tepid in comparison. the first had a shyness but it felt like a sexual shyness.
most people would walk away from an edit where someone says 'mmm i like the original better' and think what's the point. for me the point is it shows that original needs more, a whole lot more saving, step back from it and pout it away for a month or two. go back to all of them then and decide what to kep, what to change and what to discard.
thanks for the edit ruth
i got the feeling that you moved further and further away from the original in the original it seems there's a fascination with the hands and then in the edits it feels that you looked at them because you were too shy or too scared. don't get me wrong, the trepidation is still i the first but there's more, it's keen, the original end stanza is all wobbly and and tremulous, the nest two are tepid in comparison. the first had a shyness but it felt like a sexual shyness.
most people would walk away from an edit where someone says 'mmm i like the original better' and think what's the point. for me the point is it shows that original needs more, a whole lot more saving, step back from it and pout it away for a month or two. go back to all of them then and decide what to kep, what to change and what to discard.
thanks for the edit ruth