(08-05-2012, 07:17 AM)ambustharp Wrote: Another idea: perhaps I could combine these two versions: use meter with the stanzas about the "military guy" and the free verse with the speaker-lover. Is that even allowed? :O I'm not really sure how even I feel about this. Just an idea.Oh god yes, it's DEFINITELY allowed -- experiment all you like! I quite like the idea of giving the military guy stanzas a regular meter, which will add to the characterisation -- similarly, free verse would suit the speaker perfectly
You don't even need to use rhyme with your meter. You could perhaps try blank verse (no end rhymes) in trochaic tetrameter, which is the meter you've got in your first line and would nicely mirror the marching cadences of the military.
It's ambitious, but I for one would be very interested to see the result. Good luck!
PS. Meter takes time, but it will click eventually. Try tapping on the desk as you say the words -- first get the meter fixed in your head, then see if the words fit in where they should.
It could be worse