08-05-2012, 07:17 AM
Thank you all for you fantastic responses!
I've attempted (somewhat) in working with meter on a previous poem and I suppose that I just don't seem to grasp where the stresses are. I looked at some of posts on meter and it definitely refreshed some things I've read about before. I'm not sure if I'm stress-deaf or if I'm just not paying close enough attention when I read things aloud or in my head. I understand that most of the syllables are equal throughout and that each meter accomplishes some stress-unstress, unstress-stress pattern or other variations.
Another question: how would any of you suggest I go about forming the characterization and pronoun reduction that Philatone mentioned? I can conjure up a few ways to do it, but not sure the best route. An introductory stanza that presents the speaker as the "lover" and the relationship with the "military boy" and the "beloved?" Changing some of the initial pronouns for names?(I'm not a fan of this option though.) And there are some other ways too.
To Ruth: I really enjoy your response too and I see that dropping the rhymes will serve as a way to free up some of my unnecessary cliches and inverted syntax that Leanne and Philatone mentioned.
So, I may try to come up with two version: one with more metric rigidity and one in a more free verse style and see what I like best.
Another idea: perhaps I could combine these two versions: use meter with the stanzas about the "military guy" and the free verse with the speaker-lover. Is that even allowed? :O I'm not really sure how even I feel about this. Just an idea.
Thank you all so much! I much prefer the meat of a serious critique to someone telling me what a good job I did.
I've attempted (somewhat) in working with meter on a previous poem and I suppose that I just don't seem to grasp where the stresses are. I looked at some of posts on meter and it definitely refreshed some things I've read about before. I'm not sure if I'm stress-deaf or if I'm just not paying close enough attention when I read things aloud or in my head. I understand that most of the syllables are equal throughout and that each meter accomplishes some stress-unstress, unstress-stress pattern or other variations.
Another question: how would any of you suggest I go about forming the characterization and pronoun reduction that Philatone mentioned? I can conjure up a few ways to do it, but not sure the best route. An introductory stanza that presents the speaker as the "lover" and the relationship with the "military boy" and the "beloved?" Changing some of the initial pronouns for names?(I'm not a fan of this option though.) And there are some other ways too.
To Ruth: I really enjoy your response too and I see that dropping the rhymes will serve as a way to free up some of my unnecessary cliches and inverted syntax that Leanne and Philatone mentioned.
So, I may try to come up with two version: one with more metric rigidity and one in a more free verse style and see what I like best.
Another idea: perhaps I could combine these two versions: use meter with the stanzas about the "military guy" and the free verse with the speaker-lover. Is that even allowed? :O I'm not really sure how even I feel about this. Just an idea.
Thank you all so much! I much prefer the meat of a serious critique to someone telling me what a good job I did.