08-03-2012, 01:26 PM
Definitely has potential.
A few observations and thoughts.
Think hard about the enjambment (I say this partly because it's something I'm trying to be more conscious about in my own writing). Line breaks force the reader to read the poem in a particular way--with a particular rhythm. Is the way you've broken the lines forcing the reader to read the poem the way you'd like him to?
I'm unconvinced by "books fueled by the thought of fire". I'm presuming "books" is a play both on "matchbooks" and regular books--perhaps even on other things--but books of matches are not "fueled" in a convincing or powerful way by "the thought of fire".
"Better save the red-head" feels like too much of a restatement of the title/first line. I get that it's an opportunity to play with the idea of the match as a person, and to allude to his or her "saving," but I think this could be done without the conceptual repetition at a superficial level. I'm all for metaphor and allusion, but I think poetry is most compelling when it achieves beauty both on its surface as well as its interior.
I think the storm would do better to drive the guest than to call him. To personify the storm as hanging up his coat and beckoning a person is an unconvincing and unclear image.
"burning taste for darkness" is muddy and rather gothic-melodrama, not to mention a borderline cliche. I'd go for something sharper and more novel. "Darkness" is one of those words like "light," "soul," "black," etc., that one needs to be very careful about using.
Thanks for the poem.
-pk
A few observations and thoughts.
Think hard about the enjambment (I say this partly because it's something I'm trying to be more conscious about in my own writing). Line breaks force the reader to read the poem in a particular way--with a particular rhythm. Is the way you've broken the lines forcing the reader to read the poem the way you'd like him to?
I'm unconvinced by "books fueled by the thought of fire". I'm presuming "books" is a play both on "matchbooks" and regular books--perhaps even on other things--but books of matches are not "fueled" in a convincing or powerful way by "the thought of fire".
"Better save the red-head" feels like too much of a restatement of the title/first line. I get that it's an opportunity to play with the idea of the match as a person, and to allude to his or her "saving," but I think this could be done without the conceptual repetition at a superficial level. I'm all for metaphor and allusion, but I think poetry is most compelling when it achieves beauty both on its surface as well as its interior.
I think the storm would do better to drive the guest than to call him. To personify the storm as hanging up his coat and beckoning a person is an unconvincing and unclear image.
"burning taste for darkness" is muddy and rather gothic-melodrama, not to mention a borderline cliche. I'd go for something sharper and more novel. "Darkness" is one of those words like "light," "soul," "black," etc., that one needs to be very careful about using.
Thanks for the poem.
-pk
(08-03-2012, 08:30 AM)Philatone Wrote: is best kept in a drawer, away
from any candle or temptation
to ignite. There is always
another wick of wood to strike
in books fueled by the thought of fire.
Better save the red-head. Wait
for the storm, who hangs his coat
on the porch, to call the guest
with the burning taste for darkness.