honestly, changing an end rhyme means changing the whole poem maybe next time i won't try a rhyming version.
Not beat so badly as to cause disgust....is definitely worthy looking at.
When righteous morals are too much discussed...same here, though i'm already leaning to leaving that line as it is.
the holy right-of-centre's fake disgust...nice suggestion.
cannot be discussed rather than ne'er....would add an extra foot, plus i think the voice of the poem would like the use of ne'r even if it is archaic.
I never found it hard to be abused
a fact so widely known and not discussed. - I struggle to make sense of this. basically everyone knows he's into a bit of S and M but it's never talked about. it's a not so secret secret.
the last three lines are part of the form
being negative or should i say constructive, showing a negative aspect of a poem is what feedback is often about. it's like telling someone their fly is undone
if that honest feedback can be given without malice and personal attack then that's the type of feedback i'd prefer. after all, this is the serious critique thread; why else would i post it here. so thank you for taking the time to read and leave some good constructive criticism.
here's the layout of the form just in case you'd like to give it a try. (i probably don't like the form as much as you but sometimes doing the things we don't like help improve on the things we do
Not beat so badly as to cause disgust....is definitely worthy looking at.
When righteous morals are too much discussed...same here, though i'm already leaning to leaving that line as it is.
the holy right-of-centre's fake disgust...nice suggestion.
cannot be discussed rather than ne'er....would add an extra foot, plus i think the voice of the poem would like the use of ne'r even if it is archaic.
I never found it hard to be abused
a fact so widely known and not discussed. - I struggle to make sense of this. basically everyone knows he's into a bit of S and M but it's never talked about. it's a not so secret secret.
the last three lines are part of the form
being negative or should i say constructive, showing a negative aspect of a poem is what feedback is often about. it's like telling someone their fly is undone
if that honest feedback can be given without malice and personal attack then that's the type of feedback i'd prefer. after all, this is the serious critique thread; why else would i post it here. so thank you for taking the time to read and leave some good constructive criticism.here's the layout of the form just in case you'd like to give it a try. (i probably don't like the form as much as you but sometimes doing the things we don't like help improve on the things we do