08-02-2012, 09:18 PM
Hello Billy. My main thought was that sometimes strict adherence to metre and form causes anomalies and absurdities we'd otherwise avoid. Like these
are trampled slipshod under laws robust.
According to the gutter press, robust,
So very unnatural when robust is presented that way. Maybe you need a more flexible word than robust.
I admire the craft and perseverance anyhow.Some suggestions
Not beat so badly as to cause disgust.
When righteous morals are too much discussed
the holy right-of-centre's fake disgust
cannot be discussed rather than ne'er
I never found it hard to be abused
a fact so widely known and not discussed. - I struggle to make sense of this.
If the last 3 lines are essential to whatever form this is, fair enough. Otherwise, I'd scrap 'em, I don't think they add anything.
If I sound overly negative, just tell me to piss off. There's some nice lines in here, the stiletto in particular.I'm just not a great fan of these forms.
are trampled slipshod under laws robust.
According to the gutter press, robust,
So very unnatural when robust is presented that way. Maybe you need a more flexible word than robust.
I admire the craft and perseverance anyhow.Some suggestions
Not beat so badly as to cause disgust.
When righteous morals are too much discussed
the holy right-of-centre's fake disgust
cannot be discussed rather than ne'er
I never found it hard to be abused
a fact so widely known and not discussed. - I struggle to make sense of this.
If the last 3 lines are essential to whatever form this is, fair enough. Otherwise, I'd scrap 'em, I don't think they add anything.
If I sound overly negative, just tell me to piss off. There's some nice lines in here, the stiletto in particular.I'm just not a great fan of these forms.
Before criticising a person, try walking a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticise them, you're a mile away.....and you have their shoes.