The Sum Of Fractured Thoughts.

[billy]

saw the image and the poem hasn't lost anything by not being of the same format.

There's ALOT of formatting in this poem, and I couldn't be bothred to type it exactly on here, so here's a screenshot of the poem as it is on word 2010:

[Image: http://img84.imageshack.us/img84/2856/th...though.png]

Uploaded with ImageShack.us

And here's the text to make it easier to comment and add suggestions/corrections:


The sum of Fractured Thoughts. maybe a colon or dash

Cracks criss-cross along the glass
All, everything, shatters.

My reflection ground down from the pieces of myself as ceramic
- turns to dust early,
Like nothing ever mattered

… As though I’m lying within the “criss-crossings”,
In an existence my mind had always projected:
The white-washed walls of reality, breaking up in front of me;
As if somehow I’d never existed…

For I’ve untangled,
Unravelled
codes, such twists that of which decalcifies me from bone:
Broken like glass, or dinner plates. I dread the possibilities of my own deepest unknowns:

I am nothing more than the fractured sum of my idealism
Whilst being nothing less than its fragmented shell;
I become nothing but the sandstone portrayal of ‘myself’
Whilst feeling like everything but it,
Somehow…

03:33am
15/02/2012.

there seems to be lots of redundancies throughout the poem, and in the main it feels as if it's trying to hard to be poetry. the cracks part is there as fragments in the poem but some things feel forced. i'm still wondering where the dinner plates came from. strip out any little bit of excess or any little bit of redundancy, the poem feels as though it starts with one, 'the sum of fract...' it could just as easily work as;

Of fractured parts;

there's lot of places you can tighten the poem up. don't worry overly about laying the poem out, fist of all, lay the poem down get it spot on then fiddle with the layout a bit.