your hands (version 2ish)

[tectak]

because I did not lift my face, At least begin with a capital letter
I watched your hands, arms, your elbows, bent and resting lightly on your thighs,Good opener, now end this line with a semi-colon. The pause will beg the next line so it must not disappoint
and I watched the floor,
but mostly I watched your hands.This is really very good. It is almost a soliloquy. Inward thoughts made manifest in a quiet, whispered voice. Lovely.

I saw the line that suggests a creative lover,
the one that shows a clever mind, imagination, andgood enjambment but you are taking a big risk. The rhythm of this stanza can be made to work but enjambments are not a certain way of matching the metronome. I think you just got away with it, the way I read you
the mound by your thumb that may indicate passion.No faults here but an extra half foot would probably help before "passion". Try "your passion".

as we spoke, I saw meanings in their shapes, andCapital on "as"...PLEASE. This time the enjambment fails. Leave out "and" and read it again with a semi-colon after "shapes" and without the comma after "floor"
on the floor(,) I watched our shadows, made from street and candle light in a darkened room comma after "candle light" then new line. " in a darkened room I saw them flicker and entwine". God, I am in tears, here!
flicker and entwine.

you stood, you smiled and then your arms embraced me, Capital on "You" pleeease!. Getting a bit cliched in your passion here
and held on until I let go of you.Not quite chronologically safe. Who is holding who and WHEN did you take hold and he release. Needs a little clock watching. You do not say that you held on at any time. Just that you let go. A small and picky comment. Sorry

then I was on my way, casting my own shadows,CAPITAL LETTER MOST NECESSARY. There has been an elemental gap in time here. You are recovering. You need to breathe this moment. A pause will pre-empt this vital shift in sentiment. You could count to three EASILY before starting to read this last stanza.
regarding my own hands. A great last line. I commend this piece.

This is a little piece of cameo-verse. The whole thing is a portrait which can be painted on just one canvass. You can have two characters in any of several static poses and in each the story you have told would still be true. The durational requirements of a cameo verse are small. That it is a moment or two in real time does not mean that the reading is foreshortened into a quick burst of poetic endeavour......you have made this work and I for one will take my time over it. Well (and not over) done.
Best (with or without my suggestions!)
tectak