important things

[Todd]

Hi Ruth,

Welcome to the site! I enjoyed the read, some thoughts below:

There are times that I like the intentional stutter and there are times it's a little off putting. I think I'm going to put it down to a style choice and mostly let it sit.

I don't write,
write poems,--The funny thing is I like the idea of the repetition here and at the end on poem on paper at least. The hesitation makes me think of the pain and reflection of the speaker. The issue I'm having is that out loud it feels clumsy with the second write
anymore.

I used to.
write them
a lot, now
when I want to write about your mouth, and--Okay, a few things here, I like how you move to the longer lines when you begin to touch on these important things. Like might be too weak a word. They threaten to overflow...love that. Id suggest pulling out the additional two "write" repetitions. I'm not fond of the break on and. I'd suggest pulling how up a line
how your lips would press, and the words were held--fantastic line love the break
behind your teeth--This is great because as the words are restrained by the other they are restrained on the line...control is reasserted.
or, years later how--if you pull up how on that other line this line becomes a subtle echo
my first taste of loukoumades
created a sensation in my mouth that made
my knees bend, and that when I put my fingers--I love the repetition of my because it makes the absence of we that much more stark. I also like the echo on mouth and lips.
on my lips to lick them,
I thought of you.

thought of why I used to,--I would consider cutting thought here. I would also consider limiting your repetition until the end. It might serve you better to increase the pace to give the final hesitations more poignancy. To that end, maybe break on used to give a layered meaning and go right into to write.
used to write about--You've come full circle pick up the pace now it will sell the ending more
the important things,--maybe cut the
like the shape of your mouth--maybe cut like the
and the sensation of honey on my tongue, and--maybe cut and the sensation of and the final and...it needs speed here
old wishes for us.

then I remember,
remember how--now the slow down...yes
you wouldn't look into my eyes
or touch me
unless you had to, and that,
and that, it was as if --consider cutting it was as if...the line break gives the same sense of discovery.
you were afraid.

I don't write,
write poems,
anymore, because my words,
all of them, were for you, and--you don't need the and
now I think I should
keep them,
keep them, for myself.--great last two strophes.

I hope some of that was helpful. I enjoyed the poem a lot.

Best,

Todd