Poems

[billy]

It seems you broke the poems into singles. thanks, we we say one poem to a thread we mean one thread one poem in total followed by whatever feedback and discussion you get. ...please give some feedback to others if you want them to reply to your poems.

***
Knocking at the door put space between the title and the poem. when you do one poem to a thread it's easy to see the title like this it looks like part of the poem and that it has no title.
In early morning
Is all about you
But not for me.

Some papers on the floor.
Some books for learning
And all is due…
I only want to sleep.

a poem about cramming?
been up all night and then they/he/she comes round and stops you sleeping.
i think the poem gets the story across in a good way. would it read better if the last line were on it's own?

---

To Sonnet not sure the title work, as it it looks like a line in the poem;

You are the sun of shady ancient times.
And magic breath of future tender days. starts off okay.
Your silly arms are deft and bitter vines.
Your rosy hails are ripe and tiny grapes. rosy hails confuses me

You are the candel - to begin the fire. - isn't needed
You are the moon – to bring somnambulism., an extra foot in the meter.
You need re fined and kindly hall – empire. doesn't make sense
And nothing more excepting this your needs.

Put sweet pre-human hands on my dark-had - again there seems to be a problem with the language
My easy holiday and my austere Monday.
Are you ideal? Are you, maybe, bed?
It’s all not right. And, also, nobody.

You are the core the life of min’s. The plot,
Amazing angel – my Forge-me-not.forget me not (t)

you start off really well and line by line the syntax devolves until it's at a point where i can't follow what's being said. i'm guessing there may be a language problem as i can definitely see that this is meant to be a sonnet.