07-28-2012, 02:42 PM
hey katy !
just looking at the first poem; squeezing a bunch can be a little overwhelming
the "all is due" threw me off a bit; didn't quite understand it. i like the little details, i think they are well done (early morning, the papers and books, the basic desire to sleep). that being said, the situation was not as clear as I would have liked. honestly, i don't even know who is doing the knocking, and that strikes me as being kind of important for this story. switching the characters makes for very different readings.
just looking at the first poem; squeezing a bunch can be a little overwhelming
Quote:Knocking at the door
In early morning
Is all about you
But not for me.
Some papers on the floor.
Some books for learning
And all is due…
I only want to sleep.
the "all is due" threw me off a bit; didn't quite understand it. i like the little details, i think they are well done (early morning, the papers and books, the basic desire to sleep). that being said, the situation was not as clear as I would have liked. honestly, i don't even know who is doing the knocking, and that strikes me as being kind of important for this story. switching the characters makes for very different readings.
Written only for you to consider.