07-26-2012, 11:01 PM
Hello Parakleseos. It's a difficult poem to get a grip on, elusive. Sometimes titles can help in that respect! Supermarket, hallway, cave. Someone has chlamydia and someone is dying? That's what I understood by this - yellow tiger colour only (his last).
I thought "a day on secrets" was maybe a typo for of or in, but as you repeat it later I assume not.
pictures that batter only, and bring their words - I think the repetition of "only" works well. I'm not sure that the last 4 words are really needed and "pictures that batter" - well, it doesn't work for me.
but a cave you know a pile of things
and thinglike stuff, today, one day, the weekend. the dusty
slip of a life that will
not look back upon itself
That "but" at the start is irritating. I've tried without success to link it to another part of the poem. I love from "the dusty slip..." onwards.
Thinking about it, the oddest part of the poem is this
in supermarkets while
the longest walk of shame, some words
chlamydia trachomatis, thrush
Anyhow, it's something I'll come back to.
Ray
I thought "a day on secrets" was maybe a typo for of or in, but as you repeat it later I assume not.
pictures that batter only, and bring their words - I think the repetition of "only" works well. I'm not sure that the last 4 words are really needed and "pictures that batter" - well, it doesn't work for me.
but a cave you know a pile of things
and thinglike stuff, today, one day, the weekend. the dusty
slip of a life that will
not look back upon itself
That "but" at the start is irritating. I've tried without success to link it to another part of the poem. I love from "the dusty slip..." onwards.
Thinking about it, the oddest part of the poem is this
in supermarkets while
the longest walk of shame, some words
chlamydia trachomatis, thrush
Anyhow, it's something I'll come back to.
Ray
Before criticising a person, try walking a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticise them, you're a mile away.....and you have their shoes.