hi vedantsetu.
thanks for posting your first poem.
the 1st two lines work reasonably well
possibly the 3rd as well, but then it falls into
realm of that glittery poetical stuff those new
to poetry tend to use.
love, freedom, hate, and fate are big, big words in any kind of writing, more so in poetry
in poetry it's best to show what you mean when you speak of these words. a term banded about for these kind of words is; intangibles. try and use the least number of intangibles as possible.
Quote:Ring the bell so that the chimes fill the skies
I would even search you in the seas of diguise disguise
I shall walk to the warmth of your gloomy smile
We will walk to the end of roads in this exile the line feels forced
The birds flow with the freedom of love and hate
Careless of their ends and melancholy fate
Breaking these torment chains and step in the blissful shoes
We will grown exuberant wings like them too
thanks for posting your first poem.
the 1st two lines work reasonably well
possibly the 3rd as well, but then it falls into
realm of that glittery poetical stuff those new
to poetry tend to use.
love, freedom, hate, and fate are big, big words in any kind of writing, more so in poetry
in poetry it's best to show what you mean when you speak of these words. a term banded about for these kind of words is; intangibles. try and use the least number of intangibles as possible.