About a Girl (repost v.2)

[Philatone]

hey phaedra
some quick thoughts
(most of my comments from the original still hold I feel)

remember her
sad jaded guise
faded laughter
fragile child tears ...not sure how this will strike you, but I would either modify every noun with 2 adjectives (e.g., add an adjective after "faded" in the line above) or use 1 adjective (drop either "sad" or "jaded"; "fragile" or "child"). I like the immediacy and strength of the latter
a shade of someone
she could be
anyone

forever
shrouded by smoke ...need "smoke"?
she haunted empty spaces
all she had was impotent rage
and shards of glass

nobody knew her
she was unspoken
in blood she whispered
being alone cuts deeper

tried to hide from herself
and to everyone else
invisible ...in some ways, this stanza does not bring a whole lot of new description to the character. I already get this with lines like "nobody knew her" and "shrouded by smoke"

she asked questions like ...need "like"?
wouldn't it be easier to die
marked another notch in flesh
festered like an infected wound
full of pus and spite

underneath a bridge
bones taut beneath her skin
gaunt and desperate
desolate

isolated inside herself
intoxicated
drowned herself in noxious spirits

she had sleeping pills and opiates
which doctors prescribed

they found her
huddled in a dark corner
greying skin blistered
she finally found company
in little black flies
who swarm lovingly
around her swollen smile
hollow eyes stare blankly
frozen

the last verse feels a bit more formal than what preceded it for me. it introduces a "they" that really isn't mentioned previously. did you feel compelled to close the piece?