07-24-2012, 03:20 AM
Hello Phaedra. I suppose the trouble with the title is that one thinks automatically of About A Boy- and there the comparisons end.
I still think you should cut "anyone"
haunting empty spaces - avoids repetition of she.
"solitude cuts deeper"?
I think this bit is laying it on rather too thickly
marked another notch in flesh
festered like an infected wound
full of pus and spite
Do you really need to add that the pills were prescribed ?
Maybe "her final company little black flies"
I still think you should cut "anyone"
haunting empty spaces - avoids repetition of she.
"solitude cuts deeper"?
I think this bit is laying it on rather too thickly
marked another notch in flesh
festered like an infected wound
full of pus and spite
Do you really need to add that the pills were prescribed ?
Maybe "her final company little black flies"
Before criticising a person, try walking a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticise them, you're a mile away.....and you have their shoes.