sonnet (nearly) on a guilty man waking for phil edit 1 by addy

[tectak]

A Sonnet on a Guilty Man Waking edit 1 addy

Through guilt he wakens with a start,
As every sunrise pricks his heart.
He, startled, leaps to self-defending;
Loud his protest and offending
By vectored accusations flying,
Undirected. Though denying,
He shares the bed where guilt is resting,
Where joined in dreams his soul is testing.
Awake! Awake! See conscience stirring.
The words spill out with thoughts still whirring.
Then no heed take of what is hearsay,
Rumour, rancour, bile or beer-say.
Guilty men are loud in protest;
Innocence is the quiet poet.


TAK 2006

[Philatone]

as a response to the other poem, rather than having an initial intention to be critiqued, i'm seeing this piece in a slightly different way (if you want my feedback, I'll be happy to dig into it as well!).

is this supposed to be the same guilt as the other? It carries a sense of unfaithfulness that, while not necessarily lacking in the other piece (you can see suggestions of it, especially now), was not as strong as here.

there does seem to be a similar progression, what with moving from guilt to protest (hate). I guess I was imagining a different cause for the problems in the relationship

btw, a nice read overall

[addy]

A solid piece. The last couple lines sums it up well I think. Not sure about "He startled leaps to self-defending", as it seems awkward to me (might be just me) but otherwise I think it has excelled in its intent

[tectak]

A solid piece. The last couple lines sums it up well I think. Not sure about "He startled leaps to self-defending", as it seems awkward to me (might be just me) but otherwise I think it has excelled in its intent

Thanks addy,
I just stuck this up for phil to chew on, as a bone left over from from Lego con tres heridas, re. the guilt stanza.
On the "startled leap" your point is taken. It is an interesting grammatical error on my part.....interesting because though the punctuation is somewhat minimal it felt as though it SHOULD make sense........and I criticise others for this presumptive failing. Would "He, startled, leaps to self-defending" get me off this hook?
Best,
Tectak

[billy]

whle it flows well it doesn't keep a constant meter. though better than i will scream fuck billy (i'm sure they will )
i'd like to know how the poem came about without following the lead given in the poem. it sounds like you could remove is from the last line. i enjoyed it but would enjoy the real scandal more

[tectak]

whle it flows well it doesn't keep a constant meter. though better than i will scream fuck billy (i'm sure they will )
i'd like to know how the poem came about without following the lead given in the poem. it sounds like you could remove is from the last line. i enjoyed it but would enjoy the real scandal more

For someone with a degree in scatology your are quite astonishingly perceptive

[billy]

[addy]

Would "He, startled, leaps to self-defending" get me off this hook?
Best,
Tectak

It's definitely clearer for me this way