Posts: 2,602
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Dawn opens window : warm air rises : I rise too.
Green grass tinted : lightly scented : sent green light.
Lemon squeezing : crocus poketh : purple later.
Twigs dry as sticks : twigs turn sticky : buds ready.
Rabbit's young 'uns : mornin' runnin : all day funnin'.
Tits from nowhere: endless squeeking : endless seeking.
Midges swarm: evenings warm : bats breakfast.
Pupaea pulse : with life returning: on threads twirling.
Sun going higher : over spire : all day Sunday.
Spring haiku : rhymes with cuckoo : Hi cuckoo!
Tectak
Spring 2012
Scans perfect 5,7,5 in Japanese. Honest. Should be in fun forum?
Posts: 444
Threads: 285
Joined: Nov 2011
All serious poetry should be in fun and misc.
Critique categories are (don't tell anyone): strictly for socializing.
1. 5-7-5 is insectoid.
2. Really love 1,2,3,10
3. i(I) resemble 4 
4. All seriousness aside, these/this are/is quiet wonderful.
Ray
Old pond ; spring jumps in : sound of frogs
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
Posts: 1,568
Threads: 317
Joined: Jun 2011
Fun is very serious business you know -- it's just harder to critique, because nobody wants to spoil the moment.
Nor do I.
(Except... "squeasing"???)
So, you're a bit hai-curious are you? I'd never mention the word "tanka"...
My favourite is L8, with its very un-Japanese alliteration and enjambment (if it were in line fragments, that is) -- but it's such a lovely image, fully encapsulated in just a few words.
This is most enjoyable.
It could be worse
Posts: 2,602
Threads: 303
Joined: Feb 2017
(03-13-2012, 08:01 AM)Leanne Wrote: Fun is very serious business you know -- it's just harder to critique, because nobody wants to spoil the moment.
Nor do I.
(Except... "squeasing"???)
So, you're a bit hai-curious are you? I'd never mention the word "tanka"...
My favourite is L8, with its very un-Japanese alliteration and enjambment (if it were in line fragments, that is) -- but it's such a lovely image, fully encapsulated in just a few words.
This is most enjoyable.
Squeasing error : error error error : now appeeezing
Thanks leanne : welcome back : tectak
Enough already
(03-13-2012, 07:23 AM)rayheinrich Wrote:
All serious poetry should be in fun and misc.
Critique categories are (don't tell anyone): strictly for socializing.
1. 5-7-5 is insectoid.
2. Really love 1,2,3,10
3. i(I) resemble 4
4. All seriousness aside, these/this are/is quiet wonderful.
Ray
Old pond ; spring jumps in : sound of frogs
Not that keen on Haiku but it sure is an easy way to make a living. ....and I am right with you on the 575. Its mine now, I tell you. All mine!
Best,
Tectak
Posts: 1,568
Threads: 317
Joined: Jun 2011
Very pleezing
It could be worse
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Joined: Dec 2016
Tom,
Shouldn't that be "crocus pocous"?
Midges swarm: evenings warm : bats breakfast. Yes they do, and yes they are!
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
Posts: 2,602
Threads: 303
Joined: Feb 2017
(03-14-2012, 03:05 AM)Erthona Wrote: Tom,
Shouldn't that be "crocus pocous"?
Midges swarm: evenings warm : bats breakfast. Yes they do, and yes they are!
dale
Fruit flies like a banana.......
Pocous? Nah......no such word
Best,
Tectak
