(content) Pleasures

[heslopian]

At the peak of despair my rucksack contains
some glistening keepsakes.
Though burdened by sadness and hate
I cannot deny these trifling pleasures.

I take pleasure in art which convinces me,
if only for a while, that human designs have worth,
and hope and love are real as bones.
Like Oriental lamps it floats to the roof of my skull,
a thousand fragile lighthouses.

I take pleasure in the buttocks of men
when they're firm as a deity's fist, high as roofbeams
and tight as a highwayman's heart.
When I see ones I like I want to bury myself inside them,
cock and balls entirely, until my gender disappears.

I take pleasure in battered chicken.
Even the greasy paper bag and polystyrene cup of sauce
resurrects my joyousness, lost since childhood.

I take pleasure in nihilism and atheism.
Humility is beautiful, and the buttocks of men taste that bit more divine
when one doesn't have to thank Yahweh for them.

[popeye]

Once again Jack you've pricked my subconscious, poetry at its most raw, open and honest aspect. The first stanza could almost stand alone. In the the third would moonbeams instead of roofbeams have been too cliche? The last two lines made me wince a bit at the thought of those swollen goods penetrating! The fourth stanza with the comfort food factor tells me a story that I see every time I go to a shopping centre, with those three lines you've captured the entire fast food culture and the last stanza asserts your independence as a thinking human being! Well written champ,, thanks for sharing.

PS where would we be without art! Second stanza.

[heslopian]

Thanks for your kind feedback, popeye I hadn't thought of "moonbeams"; I'll have a think about that.

[billy]

At the peak of despair my rucksack contains
some glistening keepsakes.
Though burdened by sadness and hate
I cannot deny these trifling pleasures.

I take pleasure in art which convinces me,
if only for a while, that human designs have worth,
and hope and love are real as bones.
Like Oriental lamps it floats to the roof of my skull,
a thousand fragile lighthouses.

I take pleasure in the buttocks of men
when they're firm as a deity's fist, high as roofbeams
and tight as a highwayman's heart. would a comma after roofbeams work better than the first and?
When I see ones I like I want to bury myself inside them, should it be a comma after like
cock and balls entirely, until my gender disappears.

I take pleasure in battered chicken.
Even the greasy paper bag and polysterene cup of sauce styrene
resurrects my joyousness, lost since childhood.

I take pleasure in nihilism and atheism.
Humility is beautiful, and the buttocks of men taste that bit more divine
when one doesn't have to thank Yahweh for them.

i can't find much i don't like about this one.

i laughed at I take pleasure in the buttocks of men but it's just because it seems that men despite their gender differences are all alike really. some good strong descriptive images that carry the reader along.
i like the way you use the sexuality in the poem in an everyday passing comment. it makes it natural.

thanks for the read.

[Erthona]

Jack,

The first and second stanzas were beautifully descriptive. I had a slight bit of a problem with the plural/singular of

"Like Oriental lamps it floats to the roof of my skull,
a thousand fragile lighthouses."

I can only guess you are referring to "art" and not "hope and love", et al.

It seems it should be:

"Like Oriental lamps they float to the roof of my skull,
a thousand fragile lighthouses."

Plus if "it" is singular that causes a problem with it = Oriental lamps. You can make that work, but you are going to need to add a little more verbiage. Plus there is the problem that "it" as "art" is quite a ways back in the sentence.
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I thought the phrase "until my gender disappears." seemed to address a side issue, as there is nothing that references that prior to it's introduction as a problem to be addressed, so found it somewhat disruptive to the reading.

It does not play the same role as "lost since childhood" in the 4th stanza, (which itself, probably could also be done without, but neither does it cause a problem).

One introduces a new problem, the other simply acts as ancillary information. That is, "Why do you need to make your gender disappear, and what does that have to do with what has gone before in this poem?"

For balance this phrase "and the buttocks of men taste that bit more divine" seems as though it should incorporate chicken also. Like "the chicken butts of men taste that bit more divine" as the idea of taste was introduced in stanza four. But really, that last stanza comes off just a tad preachy, as though you just couldn't resists bringing out your ax to grind. Overall I think it weakens the poem as it comes across as petty. I think part of this is as a result of naming "Yahweh" rather than just the generic "God". I have no idea if that was your intent, that is just how it struck me.

I think probably because "Humility is beautiful" does not make obvious or immediate sense, nor doe it correlate with what follows.

Dale

[heslopian]

Thanks, Billy and Erthona, for your kind feedback I'll correct the spelling mistake now.