The Living Dead

[heslopian]

How do we survive becoming accidents;
bipeds of life split from the ether
on attempting a return...

We wanted to regress, click the button,
sound the horn, we would-be shades
now flickering in weakened wax.

These cobblestones, that bakery,
the rows and rows of cakes,
dished up by a luscious tart

we often thought about splitting
and dunking in our tea.
Now they're a new reality,

unnatural and weird, separated from the one
which ended at the broom cupboard.
Death, like trains, is always late,

passing through many platforms
as myriads of lone riders walk the aisles,
take their seats, or miss the doors like us.

[Philatone]

Hello Heslopian,

These were my ideas as I was reading

How do we survive becoming accidents; i wasn't sure where to take this. is it talking about in general? Otherwise, I think adding an "after" before "becoming" puts in a little bit of intrigue.
bipeds of life split from the ether
on attempting a return...

We wanted to regress, click the button,
sound the horn, we would-be shades
now flickering in weakened wax. like this image of shades and the thought of candles

These cobblestones, that bakery,
the rows and rows of cakes, the bakery and rows seem slightly separate here to me, as though one has nothing to do with the other
dished up by a luscious tart

we often thought about splitting
and dunking in our tea.
Now they're a new reality,

unnatural and weird, separated from the one not my favorite adjectives; i think something a little more descriptive is possible, especially for a situation like this
which ended at the broom cupboard.
Death, like trains, is always late,

passing through many platforms
as myriads of lone riders walk the aisles, interesting play going on here
take their seats, or miss the doors like us.I like this stanza, especially the miss the doors bit. I think it could be slightly stronger if you switched the "miss the doors" and "like us", putting "miss the doors" on a line by itself even, if you don't mind breaking from the 3 lines. It gives the ending a slightly stronger punch, and would mirror the ending from the stanza before with the train. Do enjoy it as it is though.

like the topic and the execution here. . Nice work! especially enjoyed the ending

[Aish]

How do we survive becoming accidents; With the ellipses in L3 and the period in S2 L3, should there be a question mark here?
bipeds of life split from the ether
on attempting a return... I adore your opening strophe. It's strong and slightly quixotic.

We wanted to regress, click the button,
sound the horn, we would-be shades
now flickering in weakened wax. Another strong strophe. The alliteration of 'weakened wax" adds an interesting bent.

These cobblestones, that bakery, I think 'that bakery' should be on the next line.
the rows and rows of cakes,
dished up by a luscious tart

we often thought about splitting
and dunking in our tea.
Now they're a new reality,

unnatural and weird, separated from the one
which ended at the broom cupboard.
Death, like trains, is always late,

passing through many platforms
as myriads of lone riders walk the aisles,
take their seats, or miss the doors like us. The last two strophes seriously pique my interest. Not only have you done a bang-up job tying the end with the beginning, but you've done it in a manner I can relate to. Although I do not know that I consider death to always be late - sometimes in fact I think it comes far too early, I have had various dreams where my higher self was at "The Station" for lack of a better term. The busy thronging platform of arrivals and departures. Very, very deep symbolism here, Jack.

This is a nice commentary, with pieces of concrete mundanity, but also some very arousing queries.

[heslopian]

Thank you for your kind words and feedback, guys