Benevolent Capitalism

[Ca ne fait rien]

viaducts stride the land
trace ancient tracks
between ant hills of empires
golden-age ley lines
guide ghostly chariots
of rusty industrial gods.



King Coal and tin trays
slumber inside mausoleums
built under ashen patchwork fields
mauve and yellow moorlands
and neatly laid terraces
of glistening grey slate.



Clanging anvils echo church bells
smoke-muffled, stained
by old trains emerging
from tunnel disasters
of collapsed stove-pipe Capital
and hopes of men
in lofty hats.



Sheep in misty valleys
chew the cud
of transient woollen civilisations
impassively.

************

edited 1-10-2011

[Leanne]

Oh, how I love "King Coal" You have beautiful sonics throughout that really enhance the imagery ("mauve and yellow moorlands" -- simple yet stunning). Your closing stanza is many-layered -- "woollen" may be that feeling you get when you've had far too much to drink the night before (that might just be me!), or wool as an insulator, creating a cocoon, or wool as a resource to be woven into something greater, or... well, many-layered, like I said! And the connotations of sheep are fairly universal, unless you're from one of those places we make fun of...

I wonder if you need "like" in S1 L4 -- you don't use similes anywhere else (that I can see, I might have missed one), and perhaps you'd consider:

Strident viaducts trace
ancient tracks between
ant hills of empires
golden-age ley lines
that guide ghostly chariots
of rusty industrial gods.

Much enjoyed, thanks Stef.

[Aish]

I especially love

Sheep in misty valleys
chew the cud
of transient woollen civilisations
impassively.

woollen = woolen
civilisations = civilizations

[Leanne]

woollen = woolen
civilisations = civilizations

Pardon me, but... not in the land that invented the language, Aish :p

[Ca ne fait rien]

Thanks Leanne- you are right, it works better without the 'like'

Aish- I am from the UK, I think we spell things differently here.

[billy]

i never knew sheep were ruminants

Strident viaducts trace not sure strident works, unless you mean harsh It's usually connected to sound, that said they could still carry trains, which makes an ass of what i just typed
ancient tracks between
ant hills of empires, i like this line, it shows how small we really are in the scheme of things.
like golden-age ley lines
guide ghostly chariots
of rusty industrial gods.



King Coal and tin trays
slumber inside mausoleums
built under ashen patchwork fields
mauve and yellow moorlands
and neatly laid terraces
of glistening grey slate.



Clanging anvils echo churchbells great line(should it be church bells)
smoke-muffled, stained
by old trains emerging
from tunnel disasters
of collapsed stove-pipe Capital
and hopes of men
in lofty hats.



Sheep in misty valleys
chew the cud
of transient woollen civilisations
impassively.

some good images, the last verse is a poem within a poem for me.
apart from the strident, (even if the load trains use the tracks )

thanks for an enjoyable read stef.

[Ca ne fait rien]

i never knew sheep were ruminants

Strident viaducts trace not sure strident works, unless you mean harsh It's usually connected to sound, that said they could still carry trains, which makes an ass of what i just typed
ancient tracks between
ant hills of empires, i like this line, it shows how small we really are in the scheme of things.
like golden-age ley lines
guide ghostly chariots
of rusty industrial gods.



King Coal and tin trays
slumber inside mausoleums
built under ashen patchwork fields
mauve and yellow moorlands
and neatly laid terraces
of glistening grey slate.



Clanging anvils echo churchbells great line(should it be church bells)
smoke-muffled, stained
by old trains emerging
from tunnel disasters
of collapsed stove-pipe Capital
and hopes of men
in lofty hats.



Sheep in misty valleys
chew the cud
of transient woollen civilisations
impassively.

some good images, the last verse is a poem within a poem for me.
apart from the strident, (even if the load trains use the tracks )

thanks for an enjoyable read stef.

Hi Billy
Thanks for the suggestions and comments.
- yes sheep are ruminants and they always talk a lot about politics and economics etc, much like old farmers in the pub.

I will think about your reservations over 'strident' and see if other readers have an opinion on what I was trying to do with it.

[bogpan]

Great images in many recent poem. Destroy hope "men
in lofty hats." In fact, capitalism has never been a charity, but in contrast, was not eternal. It is time for the sheep.

[John Holland]

I too struggled with "strident viaduct"... I hate noisy watercourses! But then I thought of who you are and I thought about ley lines... and I just enjoyed.

[Ca ne fait rien]

Thanks Bogpan -

Hi John, rhanks for the input - in the light of yours and Billy's comment I have alltered those lines.

[Aish]

woollen = woolen
civilisations = civilizations

Pardon me, but... not in the land that invented the language, Aish :p

Yes - yes - I have been 'schooled' by Jack a few times as well.

[Wildcard]

Hi Stef,
   I really enjoyed reading your poem. The lanuage is incredibly well-chosen IMO. I don't feel like I can add anything, but I will say that I liked the whitespace . . . I don't how else to say it, but that it feels right. Thanks for sharing, it's always a pleasure to see what you've come up with - always a good read and inspiring.

[Ca ne fait rien]

Thanks for such kind words, AA. Appreciate you reading.