My Mother's Mother

[heslopian]

I remember you chuckling happily when
I confessed to seeing you
not as the knitting type -
"an old woman's habit" I said.
You thanked me for the compliment.
But "old" and "young", or "middle-aged",
are useless words in tandem with you.

You exist outside of time to me,
those always knowing eyes,
brutally efficient, like knives,
framed in glass,
an ancient map.

You of the solemn advice:
"take walks in the morning.
Eat fresh fruit.
Look at these purple flowers,
how the sun hits them each day."

You of the chiding tenderness,
the feigned offence at my humour,
sitting by the porch table,
as your lame-eyed, ageing cat
prowls for scraps between our chairs.

[peter6]

Heslopian,
Very well done. You managed to take a topic that could have veered into the sentimental and never indulged. You kept it authentic, resulting in a wonderful, engaging portrait.
Gratititude,
pete

[heslopian]

Thank you for your kindness, peter6

[Aish]

I remember you chuckling happily when
I confessed to seeing you I think rearranging this to 'not seeing you as the knitting type' reads more smoothly.
not as the knitting type -
"an old woman's habit" I said.
You thanked me for the compliment.
But "old" and "young", or "middle-aged",
are useless words in tandem with you.

You exist outside of time to me, I am in love with this entire strophe.
those always knowing eyes,
brutally efficient, like knives,
framed in glass,
an ancient map.

You of the solemn advice:
"take walks in the morning.
Eat fresh fruit.
Look at these purple flowers,
how the sun hits them each day."

You of the chiding tenderness,
the feigned offence at my humour, 'offense',' humor', 'aging'.
sitting by the porch table,
as your lame-eyed, ageing cat
prowls for scraps between our chairs.

It's a wonderful tribute, Jack.

[heslopian]

Thanks for the kind words and feedback Aish
"Offence", "humour" and "ageing" are spelt correctly; I use British English.

[Wildcard]

Jack, this is gorgeous. When I get back home I will provide you with more input, but I can already tell you that I am a fan.

[Aish]

Ah yes, Britspeak, I almost forgot

[Wildcard]

I remember you chuckling happily when
I confessed to seeing you
not as the knitting type -
"an old woman's habit" I said.
You thanked me for the compliment.
But "old" and "young", or "middle-aged",
are useless words in tandem with you.

You exist outside of time to me, awesome line. I wonder if this would be the better verse to start with . . .
those always knowing eyes,
brutally efficient, like knives,
framed in glass,
an ancient map. beautiful the way you make me wanna read so much more into this

You of the solemn advice: could this be 'you with the solemn advice'?
"take walks in the morning.
Eat fresh fruit.
Look at these purple flowers,
how the sun hits them each day."

You of the chiding tenderness, again I don't like 'of' here. could be me
the feigned offence at my humour,
sitting by the porch table,
as your lame-eyed, ageing cat
prowls for scraps between our chairs. your work is not quaint, but this image is, for lack of a better word, very quaint and reminiscent. this is the kind of stuff we never forget

How much do you charge for autographs?

I hope you don't mind my little suggestions. Sometimes they are like little questions disguised as suggestions because I am determined to soak up some of the genius you put out there. :p

I'm glad to have had the chance to read this.

[heslopian]

Thanks for the kind words and feedback, AA
I wrote the second verse first, which is probably why it seems like the better to start with.
I used "of" instead of "with" to suggest that the quirks I describe comprise who she is in my eyes.