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I tried to deconstruct a bloody sonnet
to get da dum da dum out of my head
I made a sandwich, put some pickles on it
and listened to a bit of Grateful Dead…
I don’t think I will meet the ultimatum
to break it down or quit this form abuse
I’ll take these female endings, alternate ‘em
with plain old male and see what they produce.
Well look, it seems this sonnet’s half a ballad
I ought to call it something new, I guess.
Let’s see, is it a bonnet or a salad?
Whatever, it’s just pure iambic stress.
The couplet’s here, it’s my last chance to do it
Oh bugger me, it’s ended and I blew it.
It could be worse
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i loved the couplet.
. nice work with the metrics.
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I confess this type of thing is often one of my favorite kinds of poem--- what kind? A Leannic Sonnet?
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How about a "Tostoff Ancilly" sonnet? :p
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Or a 'Leannean Lyric'. Btw, I shall forgive you for not replying to my PM, as I see I sent it to myself!
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PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
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Why thank you, I think yours is cute too
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Now that's pretty damn funny. It pulled me along so well too. Well written.
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Cheers
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Serious question, leading on from your fun verse - in my 'failed' Rime wotsit, I alternated feminine and masculine line endings.....but (as I hope to have another try) I wondered if I had committed a faux pas.
What say you?
bye grannyjill
(sorry for being self-obsessed)
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Self-obsession is another one of those poetic traits, I fear
No, it's not a problem with feminine and masculine endings (as long as fem rhymes with fem and men with men, eg. "ultimatum" doesn't rhyme with "rum", because the stresses are in different places and that would be unnatural).
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Aha - Light bulb goes off in head - ultiMAtum doesn't rhyme with 'rum'.....I'm getting it, I'm getting it!
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Words with feminine endings have to have a double rhyme (at least)
ulti -matum
alter-nate 'em
the rhyme needs to fall on the stressed syllable (and be continued into the unstressed one)
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Hi Leanne,
I knew that. Just testing.
(I started a complicated question here, but I have abandoned it!)
Bye, grannyjill
