Doughnut

[heslopian]

There is some
truth

in a black rimmed
plate

with a jam
doughnut

on it, resting by a large
window,

the sun pouring on
sugar,

flesh, as a hint of
blood

threatens to break the light
surface.

[critical mass]

Heslopian

I think I missed the truth in this one.
I understand the sun pouring on the doughnut
and making it bleed the jam out or at least
bring it to the surface. I just don't get the message. Sorry.
I do like the way the words have different meanings in the lines.

the sun pouring on
sugar,
*** the sun is pouring down on sugar.
*** the sun is pouring sugar.

threatens to break the light
surface.

***The jam threatens to break the light from getting to the doughnut
*** The light threatens to break the skin.

I don't know if that was intentional, but it's pretty cool.


There is some
truth

in a black rimmed
plate
*** I can't get my mind around the black rim of the plate.
Is there less truth in a blue rimmed plate.


with a jam
doughnut

on it,



resting by a large
window,


the sun pouring on
sugar,

flesh, as a hint of
blood
*** This sounds like sugar flesh when read outloud. It also sounds
like an intentional give away to set up the blood. I don't quite get the meaning in this, so this may be a needed word.

threatens to break the light
surface.


I like the way this reads. You carried the voice all the way through this.
"There is some truth" is a good opening line, makes me want to read it.
"in a black rimmed plate" also kept me hooked.

You know.
I may use this as my signature.

There is some truth in a black rimmed plate.


David

[heslopian]

This poem doesn't mean anything really. The idea was to take a simple image, present it as simply as possible, and see what connotations it evokes.
Thank you for your kind feedback

[critical mass]

and see what connotations it evokes.

A doughnut sunning itself through a large window on a black rimmed plate.

David

[Leanne]

Circles within circles, Jack -- one flesh, warm through, one hard and cold, warm only on the surface and then only from reflected heat -- the same reflected heat that spreads the sweetness across the surface of the flesh. What will happen when the blood breaks free?

[addy]

there's something interesting in comparing a jam doughnut to flesh and blood (with the layered quality of sugar and flesh and blood presumably containing varying facets of "truth"), and in the scene you set it is almost alive, and in the sun's warmth there is a fullness of potentiality in its roundness that is absent if it were just an empty plate / empty universe. Just the impression I got

[billy]

there's something very Freudian about this
not sure i can be constructive
i like it as it is with all it's connotations
maybe the 4th couplet doesn't dd much to the poem but it's only a minor thing. i enjoyed it.
thanks for the read.

[heslopian]

Thanks for the kind words and feedback Bilbo