07-17-2011, 12:02 PM
"love only me"
she begged
so i hit her
a one two whammy
right up the shitbox
i've owned her ever since
|
Chattel:
|
 "love only me" she begged so i hit her a one two whammy right up the shitbox i've owned her ever since 
07-18-2011, 10:05 AM
Damn.
 This one hurts billy. The uncaring ignorance you can hear from the narrator makes it doubly powerful.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
07-23-2011, 07:07 AM
It made me laugh. Was that inappropriate?
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
07-25-2011, 04:14 PM
no it was the perfect response
07-27-2011, 07:00 AM
right up the shitbox
 How do you critique that? I wish I had used this line in my lifework: His Asshole in Prison At least you'll know that your genius is appreciated in your lifetime.
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson
07-27-2011, 07:29 AM
Billy
Too damned funny. Some of your shit fits the baby with the cigarette perfectly. Dollar to doughnuts you look just like him. It made me laugh. Was that inappropriate? It would have been inappropriate if it made u mad. David
07-27-2011, 02:07 PM
thanks guys. i'm glad it got such reactions.
thanks for the feedback todd; i think i was possessed by bukowski's drunken ghost when i wrote it |
|
« Next Oldest | Next Newest »
|
Users browsing this thread: 2 Guest(s)