The House

[heslopian]

The house looks obstuse in its nest
of dying grass and fierce sunlight,
holding two windows to its breast;
the house looks obtuse in its nest.
By groping his wife's naked chest
inside the farmer proves his might;
the house looks obtuse in its nest
of dying grass and fierce sunlight.

[billy]

first off you hit the form spot on. (i think you can have any meter)
the end rimes are just right

love the first line; should it be obtuse?
does it need a comma after inside? L, 6.

the image the the 1st, 2nd, 7th, and 8th lines portray are for me an excellent one.

not sure the 'by' in L, 5. works for me; would And help.

nicely done jack

[heslopian]

Thanks for the feedback and the kind words Bilbo

[billy]

after reading some of these you should try the poetry practice
it feels like you're work is evolving

[heslopian]

Thanks, I may well do soon. I'm finally starting to feel slightly comfortable in form.