Awe

[Aish]

Let your eyes
reflect my stars
as our hands
transform flesh like
alchemy,

lifting soul from ore.

[billy]

i like it though i think it would be better without the line spaceing. jmo

good to see you again

[Leanne]

Hooray, more Aish poems!

Me, I like the white space but I'd be tempted to give alchemy its own line for more emphasis. I love the idea that they're "my stars", your gift essentially, and who doesn't love a bit of transmogrification?

I am not convinced that the title is best for the poem. In short forms like this, every word counts and "mystery" seems rather generic to me. Something more esoteric? Ach, I'm just being picky now.

[Aish]

Thank you guys, AWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!

And speaking of awww, Leanne, would 'awe' be a more fitting title?

OK, gonna play with it a bit...both of ya lemme know what ya think...

[Leanne]

"Awe" might just work quite nicely

I like the new spacing too -- some white space is definitely a good thing.

[billy]

i can go for the new layout
alchemy works well on its own

love the last line. out there all on its lonesome. it's kind of spiritual