(work in progress, maybe some content)

[billy]

A little of the research i did. (it may be hard to understand but that's probably because it was done by me ) because I'm not to well versed with her work or her personality. i have to say i do feel a little closer to her (if that's at all possible since starting the poem.)

still have about 14 more verse to do and thats why it's a work in progress.
feel free to rip or rant and i'll try and use what i can from feedback, to do on the spot edits.
[Image: http://i258.photobucket.com/albums/hh246...search.jpg]


Beautiful Bones:
They rest with help, the fumes of carbon plumes
put my anguished self to sleep, read on the third,
dead on the fourth. The irony of death,
smoke inhalation to the extreme.
Sing me a cigarette in stilettos.
Sing me a vodka with olive.
Sing me a bed with Linda, divine Linda,
child of my fucking loins.
Loin of my unhappy thrush, song-less
among the dying magnolia.

Abandonment:
I know that much;
I know of a girl in a room
Locked away like a dangerous thought.
I know that much;
no don’t touch me, I’m alone without hands,
unable to reach out, whom can I touch --
Myself?
I know that much;
left in my naked reality
under a blanket of dark light
and isolation, a thorazine queen
barefoot and belt-less.
Will you feel me, my breasts,
my spine, a calf, the crease of me?
Feel them.
Bring me back.
Light me a cigarette.
Is anyone there, hello?

[heslopian]

The Furies Of Anne.

Beautiful Bones:
They rest with help, the fumes of carbon plumes
put my anguished self to sleep, read on the third; Should a comma go here rather than a semi-colon?
dead on the fourth. The irony of death The syntax here confused me a bit. I think a comma should go after "death."
smoke inhalation to the extreme.
Sing me a cigarette in stilettos.
Sing me a vodka with olive. Very Sexton. She liked listing metaphors. I see you've done your homework there.
Sing me a bed with Linda, divine Linda, Are you aware of the incident where Anne, unconsciously reliving repressed memories, started kissing (teenage) Linda in bed when they were napping together one day? If not then this line might be creating a subtext you didn't intend.
child of my fucking loins. Brilliant. Hearing Sexton swear was always shocking to me somehow. She only did it in her poems towards the end of her life.
Loin of my unhappy thrush, song-less
among the dying magnolia. Marvellous. Again, very Sexton.

Abandonment:
I know that much;
I know of a girl in a room
Locked away like a dangerous thought. Great.
I know that much;
no don’t touch me, I’m alone without hands,
unable to reach out, whom can I touch --
Myself?
I know that much; Good use of repetition. Another trademark of her work.
left in my naked reality
under a blanket of dark light
and isolation, a thorazine queen
barefoot and belt-less. Can "belt-less" be one word, or does it need a dash?
Will you feel me, my breasts,
my spine, a calf, the crease of me?
Feel them.
Bring me back.
Light me a cigarette.
Is anyone there, hello? Excellent. Reminds me of the last word "Mister?" from "Music Swims Back to Me."

I love how you published your research and didn't just plunge ahead with the poem. So far you have two very good pieces, which read as though they were written in Anne Sexton's hand from beyond the grave. You capture her style as though you'd studied it for years. The way she addresses the reader, the bitterness and the sarcasm expressed through free verse which took over from her old sedate, heavily structured forms. It's quite astounding.
So far I feel as though I've read a very good prologue to an epic poem. I eagerly await the next installments.

[billy]

i read what linda said (allegedly) about her mother and her in the same bed yes, it's why i wrote the line.
i'll be doing a couple of verses at a time, post them in separate threads and then i'll arrange them in some kind of order
and put the poem up as a whole. thanks for the grammar points i'll use them for a quick edit.
the research shown is just a little i have loads hehe. struggling to decipher what i wrote cos it isn't chronological in places it isn't even legible but i did it like that for a reason. by keeping my notes vague i can put a little more of myself into the piece instead of copying.
anyway jack, thanks for the feedback and the kind words.

[heslopian]

Ah cool. I wondered if the subtext was intentional. Now I know it is I congratulate it I must admit I did hardly any research when I wrote my Sexton poem I just used the knowledge I already had and interspersed it with references to her most famous poems.

[billy]

a person can do that if they have some knowledge to start with lol. i only ever saw a few of her poem before now and knew little about her apart from the fact of her suicide and a bit of other stuff. she made for good reading. though i'm still not to enamoured with a lot of her poetry she certainly knew how to write it.

[heslopian]

though i'm still not to enamoured with a lot of her poetry she certainly knew how to write it.

I feel the same way about Lewis Carroll. I guess a big part of poetry is subjective.