Beyond.

[billy]

The elephants seem happy
in their chains: Do they dream
Does the rock of their pendulum move
beyond stench and testosterone rusted steel.

The chimps seem happy
in their cages: Do they dream
Does the rock of their pendulum move
beyond wired segregation and endless tea parties.

The lions seem happy
in their cells: Do they dream
Does the rock of their pendulum move
beyond rancid meat and crack of whip.

The people seem happy
in their cardboard boxes: Do they dream.
Does the rock of their pendulum move

[kath3]

I liked it billy ... very much.
It's quite profound.
The only words for me that seemed out of place were cups of cold tea. I loved the wired segregation.

[billy]

thanks for the feedback kath i'll sort that out on an edit.

[addy]

I liked it. Does the rock of their pendulum move is an awesome line. I didn't get the tea part just because it's an old zoo tradition apparently

What I would change is to make it longer, establish more imagery about the animals maybe? I only say this to balance out the fact that most of the lines are repeated. Still, I like it: it's got a strong foundation already

[billy]

thanks for the comments addy.

i took kaths and your advice and changed the tea thing.

will consider extending the poem in due time.

[Todd]

Billy,

Really like this one. The repetition is good. The rock of the pendulum line is excellent. My only suggestion (jmo) is to pull the "Do they dream" out and maybe make it the title.

It was a good read.

Best,

Todd

[billy]

thanks for the feedback todd. will consider your advice,

[Ris Yerg]

Hi!
Sophisticated work, indeed!
Enjoyed.
R.Y.

[billy]

thanks for the kind words Ris.

[heslopian]

The final line is very moving, as though we all know what our lives (or deaths, indeed; are the "cardboard boxes" coffins, perhaps?) consists of, like we know the bleakness of the zoo creatures' lives. An excellent poem. Thanks for the read Billy.

[billy]

thanks for the kind words jack