Skinny Dip

[LiteraryAntiquity]

I'm going to regret entering into SC.


_________________________________________

Skinny Dip.

We walked the sands and seas in our bare feet,
stretching out beneath the Spanish skies.
We bare both hands and all our flesh
to bask in el agua.

My hopeful body, English rosa
I pretended was tinted caramel as I climbed Antoni Gaudi’s unfinished masterpiece
and smoked Fortuna beneath the burning sun.
I was without cream and beginning to crisp like BBQ.

In her white linen dress and brown sandals
she and I took to the neon streets of pizza and Malibu.
We laughed over sights at the Parc Zoologic de Barcelona
and tried to speak in native tongue, whilst slurring.

We were high on the beach, making sand angels in the golden beads
and embracing the mildly warm, evening darkness, the stars;
it'll be mañana when I'd appreciate that.
Brown flesh was all exposed, yours wrinkled, mine fresh.

Your friend and mine nervously sat, both, on the promenade
as we jump in head first to ebony water and to lack of inhibition.
My pad was still hiding in my genes
as three niños ran down our moving floor

They caused the cascading black to shake our adolescent innocence-- in our sin.
We were dressing on the beach - "No more Adam and Eve-esque games."
and yet two hours later we’d be at it again, at the hotel pool.
Where in the bluest chlorine-poisoned waves,
with thick black sun glasses on,
we were as nude as when mothers made us.

[billy]

I'm going to regret entering into SC.


_________________________________________

Skinny Dip.

We walked the sands and seas in our bare feet,
stretching out beneath the Spanish skies.
We bare both hands and all our flesh
to bask in el agua.

My hopeful body, English rosa
I pretended was tinted caramel as I climbed Antoni Gaudi’s unfinished masterpiece
and smoked Fortuna beneath the burning sun. been there done that, so it's a good image for me
I was without cream and without stomach covered. for me, the stomach thing need a little work

In her white linen dress and brown sandals
we took to the neon streets of pizza and Malibu. first her, now we, were they all in one dress?
We laughed over sights at the Parc Zoologic de Barcelona
and tried to speak in native tongue, whilst slurring.

We were on the beach, on golden sand
in mild, warm, evening darkness, and stars; the opening two lines feel weak
it'll be mañana when I'd appreciate that.
Brown flesh was all exposed, yours wrinkled, mine fresh.

Your friend and mine nervously sat, both, on the promenade
as we jump in head first to ebony water and to lack of inhibition.
My pad was still hiding in my genes
as three niños ran down our moving floor

They caused the cascading black to shake our adolescent innocence-- in our sin.
We were dressing on the beach - "No more Adam and Eve-esque games."
and yet two hours later we’d be at it again, at the hotel pool. love these two lines.
Where in the bluest, chlorine poisoned, waves, too many comma's
with thick black sun glasses on,
we were as nude as when mothers made us.

i like the poem and the content though i feel in parts you should make some of the images stronger. if feels a little forced in places. and that weakens the poem as a whole.

thanks for the read LA now i have to dash because everyone's waiting for me

[LiteraryAntiquity]

Hey, I've had a go at editing the piece - I hope this works a little better