You

[waitingforgodet]

There is something so beautiful in you.
It can never be taken away.
It is perfect in its simplicity and form.
It lives within you every day.

There is something so beautiful in you.
It is distinct in its tone.
It is omniscient in its vision
and stands on its own.

There is something so beautiful in you.
It is always there,
have you fogotten? It's relentless in its vigil
and masked only by your fear.

There is something so beautiful in you,
indefatigable in its mission
and can be resurrected with only a whisper
in any time, place or situation.

There is something so beautiful in you.
And, in me too.

[billy]

There is something so beautiful in you. is 'so need in lines 1,5,9,13, and 17?
It can never be taken away.
It is perfect in its simplicity and form.
It lives within you every day.

There is something so beautiful in you.
It is distinct in its tone.
It is omniscient in its vision
and stands on its own.

There is something so beautiful in you.
It is always there,
have you fogotten? It's relentless in its vigil forgotten
and masked only by your fear. is 'and' needed?

There is something so beautiful in you,
indefatigable in its mission
and can be resurrected with only a whisper
in any time, place or situation.

There is something so beautiful in you.
And, in me too.

hi jim, i see you worked it out
the poem has a spiritual feel to it. for me it needs a couple of images to light it up a little, as it is, it feels too tell and not enough show. other than that it flows well has a decent rhyme scheme; so much so that it isn't a noticeable rhyme (always a good sign the rhymes are working properly)

a poem wit 'beautiful' in it (and this is jmo) needs to be strong in either emotion or imagery, or both in order to original. i know i post to two of your other poems somewhere else, they could definitely have carried a beautiful or two.

thanks for the read jim and thanks for posting. hope to see more of your work.

feel free to comment on any poems you see lying around.

[addy]

I really like what you did here... your expression of beauty as strength gave this piece an interesting and solid core to work with. Many of the lines were lovely indeed (I'm quite reminded of "She walks in beauty..."), but a few could be spruced up a little ("it lives within you everyday" for instance, could be rephrased for potency). Some real nice work. Thanks for the read!

[waitingforgodet]

Thank you, Addy. I've thought of adding imagery (previous suggestion from Billy) to make it stronger.