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You once
offered me
the sun,
the moon,
and the world
when all I
ever wanted
is just
you...
I can't help
but wonder,
do you even
want me
like how
I wanted you,
or did you just
want the
milky way
hidden inside
these torn
rugged pants,
to catch
and release
your
raging
shooting stars?
Posts: 5,057
Threads: 1,075
Joined: Dec 2009
(11-21-2010, 11:11 AM)tidalnymph Wrote: You once
offered me
the sun,
the moon,
and the world
when all I
ever wanted
is just
you...
I can't help
but wonder,
do you even
want me
like how
I wanted you,
or you just [is there a 'did' missing?]
wanted the
milky way
hidden inside
this torn [these]
rugged pants,
to catch
and release
your
raging
shooting stars?
thanks for the read tidal, the last verse was my favourite
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Joined: Dec 2016
This is lovely. Dark and operatic, tinged with romance. I think the last stanza should read "or did you just want" and "these torn/rugged pants," but other than that wonderful.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
Posts: 10
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Joined: Nov 2010
oppss, my bad... thanks for the correction guys! i appreciate it
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Joined: Dec 2009
depressing and lovely. really liked the ramped up imagery of the last stanza
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
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Joined: Jun 2010
I think most of us have gotten caught in that situation during our love journeys ... it's sad and hurtful.
Good poem, and I agree, the last stanza is great.
I have a minor suggestion ... I would switch around "to catch and release" to read release and catch.
You give to the world when you're giving your best to somebody else.
