Classes

[heslopian]

Here we are shut off from light,
the sun replaced by fluorescents,
the atmosphere denser
than a chapel of rest's.
To reach my classes, it always seems
I'm descending.

[billy]

Thanks for the feedback and kind words, Billy I think that "rest's" is correct; when it comes to nouns, apostrophes are only used in the possessive sense.

"Like" doesn't contribute to the syntax, but as I was reading the poem aloud, it helped the flow, I thought. The original line was: "I always seem/to be descending," but I didn't like the repetition of "to" (I know, I'm mental).

i have a vague recollection of being in
school and we were always going down stairs. it never seemed as thouh we went up them
which of course we did.
it does have an Orwellian feel to it, a black and white snapshot effect.

is like redundant (seem=like)

[heslopian]

Thanks for the feedback and kind words, Billy I think that "rest's" is correct; when it comes to nouns, apostrophes are only used in the possessive sense.

"Like" doesn't contribute to the syntax, but as I was reading the poem aloud, it helped the flow, I thought. The original line was: "I always seem/to be descending," but I didn't like the repetition of "to" (I know, I'm mental).

[billy]

what's wrong with a simple;
To reach my classes, it always seems
I'm descending.

[heslopian]

what's wrong with a simple;
To reach my classes, it always seems
I'm descending.

Nothing whatsoever. In fact it's no doubt better. I just have a weird, idiosyncratic sense of rhythm.

[billy]

sorry, i won't comment on your weird, idiosyncratic sense of rhythm in future.

[heslopian]

sorry, i won't comment on your weird, idiosyncratic sense of rhythm in future.

No please do! I'm trying to make my work less esoteric, so people besides myself can enjoy it