Bus Stop Considerations

[heslopian]

drinking flat coke at the college bus stop,
my last chilli dog still roaring through me,
a blaze of manic stallions,
I read some Allen Ginsberg verse,
recoil and smile at his use of ampersands
(being both a purist & a whore)
and notice the flocks of fellow students,
marching like ants to the gym,
their perfect bottoms an accusation,
water on the soil before the parched Tommy.
maybe this is how it feels
to be a clerk in a jewellery store.

[billy]

drinking flat coke at the college bus stop,
my last chili dog still roaring through me,
a blaze of manic stallions,

good metaphor, good image,( i like how you left out like
chili the country, chilli the dog

I read some Allen Ginsberg verse,
recoil and smile at his use of ampersands
(being both a purist & a whore)

i know what the person in the verse means, i hate the buggers. (not too keen on ginsberg either) these lines work so well for me

and notice the flocks of fellow students,
marching like ants to the gym,
their perfect bottoms an accusation,
water on the soil before the parched Tommy.

again a metaphor instead of two similie, excellent and i like it. (though maybe being english helps me with tommy) you may look but you can't have. the simile is also a good one.

maybe this is how it feels
to be a clerk in a jewellery store.

a reinforcement of the can't have metaphore nicely done.

i found the poem to be entertaining, it shows a trait we all have, not so much envy, but a kind of hunger, like a kid in a candy store wanting everything and the mom just buys a newspape (old cliche i know but i'm putting it in a poem )

apart from the chilli spelling it was almost perfect, (for me)

you know what i like about a lot of your poetry. you make it personal, the homosexuality, the self doubt the all the other stuff and yet you don't make it overpowering. because you this, the poems (many of them) actually become more powerful.

anyway, i really like this one as well

[heslopian]

Thanks so much for the kind words, Billy, and for helping with my spelling (again!) I wonder how I'd do at one of those American spelling bees? Shit probably
Yeah I was thinking of putting an asterisk after "Tommy" to explain what it means.
Thanks for complimenting my metaphors and similes; I have been working on those, especially in trimming down my use of the word "like."
Glad you enjoy my style as well; I sometimes wonder if I go too far with what I reveal through my work. I'm not as brave as Anne Sexton.

[billy]

i think you do well. (revealing in your poetry)
what you write about is a universal subject;
you seem to make the poetry touch people even though it's
sometimes ultra personal. remember you're heslop not sexton.

it doesn't feel angsty.

[heslopian]

I'm assuming you're not fond of angst poems I don't mind them, so long as they're well done. What Plath did, especially in Ariel and her early work, was a lot harder than some people think. Now anyone who's felt a bit glum in their time think they're the new laureate.

"remember you're heslop not sexton"

Good point, and one I do sometimes forget.

[billy]

being heslop does not make you a lesser poet lol. it just means you're who you are. be the best you can be, which could be as good as anybody.

i enjoy good poetry angst or other. i read bad poetry mainly which includes a lot of angst

[lizzyrose12]

I understood it and I didn't at the same time. That's a good thing! At first when I read it I didn't like it so I didn't comment on it. Then I came back to read it again and I really do like it. Congrats.

[heslopian]

Thank you for your kind words, lizzy, and for allowing my work a second chance What didn't you like about it the first time round, may I ask?

[lizzyrose12]

Thank you for your kind words, lizzy, and for allowing my work a second chance What didn't you like about it the first time round, may I ask?

I don't know actually, It just didn't appeal to me. But I got the verses stuck in my head and I read it again and I really liked it!