Posts: 6
Threads: 2
Joined: Oct 2026
"THE HOUSE THAT DRIPS BLOOD"
What an interesting thought,
I think.
How could a house
drip blood?
Maybe there was a
serial killer...
Maybe it wasn't
actually blood;
but then, what would
it be?
These questions all circle through my
mind, and
the $6.99 answers
call me.
Then I
remember that:
people lie,
and continue walking but now my eyes
look down.
Posts: 286
Threads: 77
Joined: May 2026
(Yesterday, 03:52 AM)rbamssy Wrote: "THE HOUSE THAT DRIPS BLOOD"
What an interesting thought,
I think.
How could a house
drip blood?
Maybe there was a
serial killer...
Maybe it wasn't
actually blood;
but then, what would
it be?
These questions all circle through my
mind, and
the $6.99 answers
call me.
Then I
remember that:
people lie,
and continue walking but now my eyes
look down.
it's a grower not a shower
liking it more with each read
halloweeny!
will comment after work
--
The occasion is clear exposition is handled without melodrama. I appreciate the speaker's conversational but conspiratorial tone.
The haunted house grift or whatever becomes an opportunity to reflect on a kind of looming interpersonal anxiety.
Note: should the could/wasn't bits be in present tense?
The ending feels a bit deflatory. People lie.. ok? Now my eyes look down... It feels a bit like it's trying to be deep but it just feels a bit fluffy to me. I'm sympathetic to the speaker's ethos, want a sharper tip to drive the spear.
Posts: 1
Threads: 0
Joined: Oct 2026
(Yesterday, 03:52 AM)rbamssy Wrote: "THE HOUSE THAT DRIPS BLOOD"
What an interesting thought,
I think.
How could a house
drip blood?
Maybe there was a
serial killer...
Maybe it wasn't
actually blood;
but then, what would
it be?
These questions all circle through my
mind, and
the $6.99 answers
call me.
Then I
remember that:
people lie,
and continue walking but now my eyes
look down.
I like that you can read "What an interesting thought, / I think." as "I
think it is interesting, but maybe I'm wrong, and it's actually boring". It sets up some kind of disillusionment at the end of the poem nicely. Unfortunately the last five lines are pretty dull.
After I read "Maybe it wasn't / actually blood;", I half-expect a third, more outlandish/intriguing "Maybe...". Maybe (hah) try adding one and seeing if it gets the poem to a more interesting ending?
I agree with Matsuno that the speaker's tone is nice. It'd be nice to have it pay off a bit more.
Posts: 6
Threads: 2
Joined: Oct 2026
(Yesterday, 08:18 AM)matsunosuperfan Wrote: (Yesterday, 03:52 AM)rbamssy Wrote: "THE HOUSE THAT DRIPS BLOOD"
What an interesting thought,
I think.
How could a house
drip blood?
Maybe there was a
serial killer...
Maybe it wasn't
actually blood;
but then, what would
it be?
These questions all circle through my
mind, and
the $6.99 answers
call me.
Then I
remember that:
people lie,
and continue walking but now my eyes
look down.
it's a grower not a shower
liking it more with each read
halloweeny!
will comment after work
--
The occasion is clear exposition is handled without melodrama. I appreciate the speaker's conversational but conspiratorial tone.
The haunted house grift or whatever becomes an opportunity to reflect on a kind of looming interpersonal anxiety.
Note: should the could/wasn't bits be in present tense?
The ending feels a bit deflatory. People lie.. ok? Now my eyes look down... It feels a bit like it's trying to be deep but it just feels a bit fluffy to me. I'm sympathetic to the speaker's ethos, want a sharper tip to drive the spear.
Thank you for the feedback! I've been thinking actually, maybe I should just replace the whole "then I remember...look down" bit with just a simple "is it worth it?" or something similar, what do you think?
