visitors

[piscui]

I sob on my kitchen tiles,
my knees against the floor
bruised by previous visitors.
I frame their stays on a wall of my mind
hoping for longevity,
hoping it will work this time

Is the chaos of my home perhaps too much to return to?
How is it possible?
I thought I cleaned up

[matsunosuperfan]

I sob on my kitchen tiles,
my knees against the floor
bruised by previous visitors.
I frame their stays on a wall of my mind
hoping for longevity,
hoping it will work this time

Is the chaos of my home perhaps too much to return to?
How is it possible?
I thought I cleaned up

Hi piscui! I think this a very strong idea. Love the metaphor of the floor/knees/self being "bruised by previous visitors," that's great language-making. The extension into "wall of my mind" works for me too, though "their stays" gave me a bit of a hiccup at first (collar stays? judicial stays?). Think I can just barely swallow the almost-bathetic 'it will work this time," but repeating "hoping" makes it feel a bit *too too.* Believe a bit of restraint, not overselling the gesture, will be helpful here. 

Delete "perhaps" - it is significantly weakening the power of the home chaos question.

Might try "How did this happen?" as a more forceful follow-up than "possible?"

Love the last line. Very sharp, very clever, no trace of self-pity, only a rueful head-shake and bemused spread hands. Gives me Margaret Atwood

Thanks for sharing your work <3